07.The Maude Trilogy

Maude: The Trilogy

Forward

This trilogy is the saga of the naming of my newest bike. It was originally "published" on Facebook in three parts, in a group to which I belong, the Spokeswomen. (Yes, I am a Spokeswoman, you got a problem with that?) I enlisted the aid of this wonderful family of ladies with whom I bike in naming my ride. I thought I'd share this experience with a wider (figuratively, not literally) audience here. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. For the sake of anonymity, I've edited some of the comments, and removed the names from them. Many of you reading this may recognize yourselves and your friends herein. Read, and enjoy!

PART ONE:

The Call for Names

Ladies, I have noticed that many of you have named your bikes. As you may or may not know, I am riding a new bike, and she is sadly anonymous. Since you all are so talented in naming your bikes, I'm asking for your assistance in naming mine. A few details that may help you...she is a gorgeous shade of orange with some metalflake to make her really shine in the sun. She is fast, curvy, and dare I say it...sexy. She enjoys a good long ride, and likes it fast or slow. She can be brash when she wants, and she can be laid-back when she needs. She fits me like a glove, and is as comfortable as an old shoe. Her name should not be the name of someone I know, it could be a little awkward working up a good sweat with someone I know between my legs.

The winner gets...something, haven't yet determined the prize. I have final say on the winning entry... I think that's all. OK, let's name this beauty!

Responses:

"kinda speechless."

Mick: speechless? This must be a first!

"I need time to think..."

Mick: No hurry.

"this is pure poetry...I have a feeling a beer or two are involved"

"I have one for you Cuprum Galore (mix between Bond 007 girl and copper)"

Mick: Interesting, since Specialized refers to this color as "copper." However, it's a bit cumbersome.

"Stella!!!!"

"Tiger Lily"

"A few thoughts: 1) Valencia would be a nod to the orange color. 2) Renatta is good if you like alliteration. 3) Svetlana seems sexy and mysterious. 4) Suzette seems like she is fast, but keeps it classy."

"How soon can we get "Fifty Shades of Mick" on our Kindles?"

"Helen, short for Hell on Wheels"

Mick: "Sounds like a McCartney song...but my mom's name is Helen."

"Maude or Bunny."

Mick: Ooh...likin' that!

“Yellow bike is Stella - that could be confusing.”

“The color looks like a ripe cherry to me. How about Cherry Ride....sounds like she might make an extra buck or two dancing too”

“She's fast, curvy, sexy, and she's a gorgeous shade of orange. She's brash, but as you know, "it's a male myth about feminists...." She can unwind too -cycling is a "natural, zesty enterprise". If things get out of hand with her, you can "explain something about the Dude here" and she'll still be the one to set YOU straight. It's "a good [name], and thorough".

“********* says Stella!!!”

“********* says rachelle!”

Mick: Stella was a front-runner, until it was pointed out that the name was taken. Some very good suggestions so far...keep 'em coming!

“I say roxy!”

“How about Laverne! From Laverne and Shirley!”

“Roxanne or roxy for short”

“*********** says ginger!!! Sorry I screwed up and said Stella!!!”

“Well ya can't call her Ruby (short for Roubaix) cuz that's my bike...but gonna have to do some thinking to get a good one.”

“I know she is orange, but she is a tart so I say "Scarlet"

“I like scarlet and Maude.”

“Maybe Estelle. As in she is "Esteller" ride!”

“GINGER!!!!”

“So i'm thinking sexy, hot, fire, sunset..so I have two so far....1) Summer, 2) Cinnamon…”

“Ginger is perfect! The ‘movie star!’"

“How about Sally? Like Mustang Sally! 'All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride Sally ride!'”

“I like Ginger too.”

“We can start calling Mick Hannah the professor!”

“Marilyn?... For Marilyn Monroe.”

“I like Ginger too, but original thought was Roxanne, Roxie for short...Roxanne S. Roubaix when you need to dress her up and take her out w/ polite company. She don't care if its wrong or if its right.”

“I like Foxy* but I'll throw Lucy after Lucille Ball. Sure she's a redhead but her hair looks orange to me.”

“*Roxy. Though my autocorrect may have an idea there with Foxy too!

“Oh lord. Someone fan me! I need a cold shower after that post...and, wow...part of me really wants to be a bike! Whew! My first thoughts were Marilyn or Raquel, ...but wow...check out the lyrics to 'c'mon let me ride' by Skylar Grey (and eminem...explicit)...call her Skylar and you may never get off your bike. I am blushing.”...(Probably my favorite response!)

“My Cherie Amour....pretty little thing that I adore…”

“Or Carmen....”

“Ooh, Carmen is nice.”

“Speaking of Carmen. My other suggestion was going to be Carmelita. I think it sounds sweet, yet spicy! And your bike is just that, sweet and spicy!”

“Aurora -- beautiful goddess of the red dawn who brings up the light of day from the East (and the title of a great Foo Fighters song)”

“I would go with Rhonda, Mick.....as in Help me, Rhonda Roubaix!!”

“Copernica, I just made it up”

“Jessica Rabbit”

“Indigo, Indy for short.”

“I can see Mick with a Roxanne, "Roxie" too... Roxie and Ginger, "The Movie Star" are my favorites. No particular order.”

“Not trying to bribe you or anything but I do have some dogfish head 60 minute IPA in my possession”

“Dream Cycle (take off on dreamsicle), DC for short.”

“Serious naming skill in this group. Wow!”

Mick: Wow....never expected this much help! I'll be back soon with a list of my favorites...you can then persuade me which is best.

“Well we are the "Spokeswomen"!!!”

“Ms. Jackson? Since you're nasty. Or McQueen (mick queen)”

“The Scarlet Slut.”

“I'm not sure that's the right spirit here ;P”

“Oh yeah. It is for Mick.”

PART TWO

Deliberation

Thank you, ladies, for all of your wonderful suggestions regarding the naming of my bike. So many good ones in fact, I've decided to pare the list down to a few of my favorites for further discussion. These are listed in no particular order, and without the name of the individual who nominated it. I am leaning toward one entry currently, but I can be persuaded (but not bribed.) The winner will receive a free lunch at her choice of the many 5-star dining establishments in the surrounding area, ie: Kicks in Towanda, Lake Road Inn, Long Branch in Cookesville, Kemp's in Lexington, etc. Of course it's only fitting that we ride our bikes there. The date and time are not yet determined, but will take into account my ridiculous work schedule, and the winner's desire. All of you are invited to join the ride, but only one lucky winner gets free bar food! As stated in the original post, the final decision is strictly in my hands. So, in no particular order, and with no further ado, I give you:

1) Roxanne or roxy

2) Maude

3) Scarlet

4) Marilyn

“Mick I don't think we can truly make a fitting choice without a photo of the 2 wheeled beauty!”

“Marilyn-because you're a hot blonde riding on two wheels.”

“There's only so much that voting can do... you need to talk to her, search your soul, and feel her out. She already has a name, which one of these is it? You just have to listen for a moment, because no random name will do.”

(Ah, well said. At this point my mind is pretty much made up.)

Mick: Nicely said, ******.

“Maude, like Maude Gonne? Irish heroine? Now that seems perfect for you. Come to think of it, Roisin would be lovely, though you have one already!”

“When I look at her again in your pic, I still see Roxanne!”

“Roxy”

“Roxy Roubiax!”

“I'm with the Roxanne, aka "Roxie" crowd!”

“Oh, but I think she (your bike) looks like this!”

“Scarlet! Need I say more?”

“Will there be a formal naming ceremony (smash bottle of beer), then a celebratory ride? I'm in.”

“This is very tough. My ranking is Roxanne, then Scarlet, then Maude, then Marilyn."

“Lord, you can imagine where it goes from here... Don't be fatuous, Mick.”

“And don't forget, she flies... TWICE in the film in fact.”

“Yeah, but...you loved her since you knew her, you wouldn't talk down to her. You have to tell her just how you feel - you won't share her w/ another boy. You don't have to put on the red light! (Which is always helpful when riding!!)”

“I vote Roxy.”

“Foxy Roxy!”

“Bummer. I'm not even close.”

“********, if you're suggesting I smash a bottle on my bike, not gonna happen.”

“Hm. Good point. I'm only assuming that beer would (should) be consumed”

Part Three

The Final Chapter of the Saga of the Un-named Bike

The nominations are in, the discussion is over, and the final decision is made. But first, as I'm known to do, I'll do a bit of mental meandering as I explain my choice.

If the naming were done by popular vote, the outcome would be overwhelmingly in favor of one name, but I've never been one to follow the more well-traveled path. Had the name been decided as the most "common" name, then I would have chosen differently, but I've been told I'm rather uncommon (I hope that's a good thing.)  What it finally came down to was the advice of a wise young barrister who counselled me that the right name would talk to me. So I opened a bottle of IPA (or two, I do some of my best thinking when I'm hoppy), and sat down to listen to what the names had to say.

Sadly, a few of the names had nothing to say, they just lay mutely there on the monitor like a collection of mimes stricken with laryngitis. Some others muttered and mumbled a bit, but just weren't quite striking a chord with me. One of the suggestions was vocal enough, but what it had to say was generally inappropriate. (Really, ****, you thought I should name her the "Scarlet Slut?") In the end, there was one name that really spoke to me. No, it sung to me...no, it played a symphony of...hmm, maybe I shouldn't have had that last beer, getting a bit verbose here.

By now you are surely on the edge of your seat, desperate to know, “What is her name?” Be patient, we’ll get there. The winning name is shared with either an actress or screen character. Doesn’t really narrow it down, does it? Roxanne could be from (obviously) the film “Roxanne” with Daryl Hannah (Hmmm, last name Hannah?) Maude could be from the seventies sit-com of the same name. Scarlett, of course from “Gone With the Wind.” And then there’s Marilyn, do I really need to explain?

Enough of this. I’m sure you’ve tired of my musings. The winning name is …......Maude, first nominated by ****** *****. Maude is the name of a rather unique character in “The Big Lebowski.” She's a brash, outspoken beauty with a definite mind of her own. Not afraid to work outside of the box, but in her own way, a real friend.

So, we need to schedule a luncheon ride in the near future to celebrate this. Join “Mick and Maude”  as we celebrate our new-found name. (I’m leaning toward Saturday of Labor Day weekend.) Thoughts? Comments?

“Just adore you! I'm in for the celebration ride...let me and my bike "Annie" know!”

“I love it!”

“I'm in!”

“I need to watch this movie now, because I can only think of Bea Arthur. NOT sexy.”

“Oh and I'm in for the ride.”

“Whilst reading the eloquently verbose explanation, I heard a drumroll in my head the whole time. It was a long drumroll.”

“Btw, perfect name! Love ‘Mick and Maude!’”

“Also, people! google Maude Gonne - Irish feminist & revolutionary! Since Mick has Gaelic roots…”

“I totally thought Maude was in reference to the Bea Arthur character. Now that I know it's from The Big Lebowski, I have respect for you again. You shall now be known as The Dude.”

“Mick and Maude sound like an awesome team. Congrats ****** *****! On a related note - I need to see The Big Lebowski.”

“I love Maude! Although I really thought I had it with the "Roxanne" lyrics... and will still sing that to your bike from time to time on rides…”

“*maybe”

“Yesssss! "Far out! Far freaking out!!"”

Epilogue

As promised, there was a celebratory post-naming ride. While I didn't expect a huge turnout, I must admit I was a bit dismayed that only three riders joined me on the christening ride. We met at BCF, and in the parking lot I pulled a can of IPA out of a jersey pocket and ceremonially poured some of the nectar over Maude's front wheel. (And of course, not to be wasteful, I drank the rest!)

We had a nice quiet ride with Maude stretching her legs just a little in the summer sun, working our way up to El Paso for the promised bar lunch. (I highly recommend the Firefly as a lunch destination.) The day turned into a hot one, and we had to keep the ride civil to avoid overheating. (A quick nonscientific observation: of the four of us, three had one or more beers, while the fourth did not. The three all handled the heat better than the other did, so on a hot day, I plan to drink beer to avoid heat related distress.) We then took a more direct route back to town, stopping at Maude's to soak in some air conditioning and a cold drink. Good times, good friends, good biking.

Afterward

So ends the saga of the naming of Maude. As previously mentioned, the name is from a film that marks the zenith of American cinematography, The Big Lebowski. Definitely a cult classic, and one of my favorites. I liked naming my new bike for a character therein so much, I gave all of my bikes monikers from the movie. My TT rig is now called Walter, so named because he's strong, bull-headed, not particularly pretty, and is results-oriented. The single speed 'cross bike is Bunny, because she doesn't care what others think of her, and she's a damned fun ride. My old road bike is Donnie, sadly mostly relegated to trainer duty, but always there for what I ask. And of course let's not forget The Dude, my fixed-gear. The Dude handles adversity like a duck handles rain. He may not be the most stylish, or sport the latest gear, but you can always know that he's out there, making the world a better place.